


the losers club (is always the same)

by sydinas (orphan_account)



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Beverly Marsh & Richie Tozier Are Best Friends, Bisexual Ben Hanscom, Bisexual Bill Denbrough, Bisexual Stanley Uris, Established Bill Denbrough/Mike Hanlon/Stanley Uris, F/F, Gay Eddie Kaspbrak, Gay Richie Tozier, Lesbian Beverly Marsh, Losers Club (IT) Group Chat, M/M, Multi, Pansexual Mike Hanlon, Richie Tozier & Stanley Uris Are Best Friends, bev audra and patty dating in this au is the hill i will die on, yeah none of the losers are straight what abt it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-22
Updated: 2019-12-24
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:22:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,241
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21902182
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/sydinas
Summary: DA LOSERZ CLUBBBBBBtrashmouth:okay sotrashmouth:hypothetically...trashmouth:if i were to say i had a crush on someone in this gc,, would u believe mebevvy boo:yesbig bill:yesbird boy:yeshomeschool:yesbenny:yeseds spagheds:no
Relationships: Beverly Marsh/Audra Phillips/Patricia Blum Uris, Bill Denbrough/Mike Hanlon/Stanley Uris, Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Comments: 21
Kudos: 159





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> this is just bc i'm bored and procrastinating on my other fics so,,
> 
> i think contact names are obvious and they'll probably only be different if it's only a conversation between two (and maybe three) people because i'm lazy and i do not have the brainpower for it either
> 
> also the **reddie rights** group has everyone in it except richie and eddie, and **richie <3 eddie** has everyone in it except eddie. i think that's obvious tho,,

**DA LOSERZ CLUBBBBBB**

**  
trashmouth:** okay so

 **trashmouth:** hypothetically...

 **trashmouth:** if i were to say i had a crush on someone in this gc,, would u believe me

 **bevvy boo:** yes

 **big bill:** yes

 **bird boy:** yes

 **homeschool:** yes

 **benny:** yes

 **eds spagheds:** no

 **trashmouth:** ok thanks for ur support

 **eds spagheds:** u guys WHAT

 **eds spagheds:** who the fuck would he have a crush on

 **eds spagheds:** especially in this gc

  
  
  
  
**REDDIE RIGHTS**

**  
bevvy boo:** jesus christ he's an idiot

 **bird boy:** richie's an idiot as well

 **bevvy boo:** that's true

  
  
  
  
  
**RICHIE <3 EDDIE**

**  
trashmouth:** can we change this gc name

 **trashmouth:** i don't know if i like him anymore if he's that stupid

 **homeschool:** no it's fitting

 **big bill:** it's a match made in heaven

 **trashmouth:** damn fucl you too

 **trashmouth:** FUCK

 **bird boy:** fucl

 **homeschool:** fucl

 **bevvy boo:** fucl

 **big bill:** fucl

 **benny:** fucl

 **benny:** damn why am i always the last one

 **trashmouth:** i hate all of you

 **bevvy boo:** we know

**  
  
  
  
DA LOSERZ CLUBBBBBB**

**  
bevvy boo:** u know eddie,, i think u sound a bit jealous

 **eds spagheds:** lmao why would i be jealous

 **eds spagheds:** it's richie. gross

 **trashmouth:** wow thanks eds

 **trashmouth:** i can't believe i've just been betrayed. least of all by someone who i thought was my FRIEND

 **eds spagheds:** don't call me that

 **trashmouth:** but it's cute :'(

 **eds spagheds:** it's literally not

 **trashmouth:** it is tho. guys back me up here

 **benny:** i think it's cute!

 **eds spagheds:** ben ur a hopeless romantic i don't think ur opinion counts rn

 **benny:** is that bye faux bee a i smell

  
  
  
  
**REDDIE RIGHTS**

**  
benny:** did he... did he just do what i think he did

 **big bill:** if ur talking about him implying that richie calling him eds is romantic then yes,, i think he did

 **benny:** no bill i'm talking about him being blatantly biphobic

 **benny:** and hopeless-romantic-phobic

 **benny:** NO of course i'm talking about that

 **bevvy boo:** damn ben went awf

 **big bill:** okay snarky pants

  
  
  
  
**DA LOSERZ CLUBBBBBB**

**  
eds spagheds:** ben what does that even say

 **trashmouth:** eddie are u stupid

 **trashmouth:** it CLEARLY says biphobia

 **eds spagheds:** wow sorry that i don't speak in code

 **bird boy:** it wasn't even code eddie what are you on

 **homeschool:** that was,, not code

 **benny:** sometimes i question ur intelligence eddie

 **big bill:** oh don't worry i question it enough

 **bevvy boo:** i don't need to question it. he stupid

 **eds spagheds:** wOW thanks. much appreciated

 **trashmouth:** leave him alone he's obviously not having some good mother lovin like i am

 **trashmouth:** oh that reminds me

 **trashmouth:** eds can u send my regards to mrs k and say sorry that i can't make it tonight

 **eds spagheds:** if u say something like that again i'll literally come over and k*** you

 **trashmouth:** kiss??? i knew u couldn't resist me ;)

 **eds spagheds:** that clearly says kill

 **benny:** just like i clearly said biphobia

 **trashmouth:** well u won't do that either. u love me too much

 **eds spagheds:** i do fucking not

  
  
  
  
**BILLY BOY**

**  
eddie bear:** that was a lie

 **billy boy:** u think i don't already know that ??????

  
  
  
  
**DA LOSERZ CLUBBBBBB**

**  
bevvy boo:** no?? it clearly doesn't?? say kill?? that could be interpreted in so many ways??

 **bird boy:** kick. as one example

 **homeschool:** god bless stan

 **trashmouth:** that's gay

 **homeschool:** so are you

 **big bill:** we're all gay

 **bevvy boo:** no way

 **bevvy boo:** that's wild

 **trashmouth:** we really said no hets allowed huh

 **trashmouth:** oh em gee new gc name

**[trashmouth changed the chat name to 'no hets allowed']**

**eds spagheds:** i hate that name

 **trashmouth:** guys there's a hettie in our midst!

 **bevvy boo:** he's gotta go

**[homeschool removed eds spagheds from the chat]**

**benny:** OH MY GOD

 **trashmouth:** our strongest warrior!

 **big bill:** eddie's glaring at me bc i burst out laughing thanks mike

 **big bill:** MIKADN WHFS WOULD U DO THSTA JSKAL:

 **big bill:** LES TME BAKSDNC IN

 **big bill:** sory guys eddie stole my pho NE A:@DJSKL:JSAK:L

 **trashmouth:** oh my god he's dead

 **trashmouth:** eddie killed bill

 **trashmouth:** rip billiam denbrough. 2003 - 2019

 **bird boy:** he shall not.

 **homeschool:** that's,,, ominous

 **bird boy:** well it's guaranteed that death at the hands of eddie is never peaceful

 **benny:** and u know that how?

 **bird boy:** he killed me yesterday as well

 **trashmouth:** damn we've got a straight up murderer as a friend

 **trashmouth:** shall have to rethink liking him :///

 **bevvy boo:** RICHIE

 **trashmouth:** SHIRSHITSHIT ABORT MISSION

 **homeschool:** eddie's not in the gc it's not like he can see it

 **big bill:** about that,, he's been reading over my shoulder

 **trashmouth:** WHAT

 **trashmouth:** TELL ME UR KIDDING

 **big bill:** no

 **big bill:** but he didn't see it i hid it from him before he could

 **trashmouth:** thank fuck

 **benny:** adding him back... 1... 2... 3...

 **bevvy boo:** BENNNNNNN

 **trashmouth:** BEN NOOOOOOO

 **trashmouth:** at least let me delete the message first :'(

 **trashmouth:** okay i did it B)

**[trashmouth added eds spagheds to the chat]**

**eds spagheds:** i'm on the toilet i don't wanna text

 **eds spagheds:** but what did i miss

 **bird boy:** don't text then ??

 **trashmouth:** nothing

 **eds spagheds:**...okay

 **eds spagheds:** fuck u stan i can do what i want

 **homeschool:** but u just told us... nvm

 **big bill:** sometimes the only way to deal with eddie is to just ignore him

 **eds spagheds:** thanks bill

 **big bill:** ur welcome B)

 **homeschool:** bill,, sweetie,, why have u let richie taint you

 **trashmouth:** i've only used it once today give me some credit

 **trashmouth:** ... B)

 **bird boy:** twice now

 **trashmouth:** yes staniel i know. i can count

 **bird boy:** since when?

 **bevvy boo:** since today probably

 **homeschool:** that's true. it's why he was at my house earlier

 **trashmouth:** no that was bc ur mom asked me to B)

 **homeschool:** she's dead richie...

 **trashmouth:** exactly B)

 **benny:** stop using that emoticon

 **benny:** also GROSS

 **trashmouth:** oh shit

 **trashmouth:** my fingers got ahead of me. i was not thinking

 **eds spagheds:** please don't turn that into a sexual joke

 **bird boy:** richie you never think

 **big bill:** stan's not wrong

 **trashmouth:** wow i'm really feeling the love tonight <3

 **bevvy boo:** it's midday

 **trashmouth:** aka nighttime

 **homeschool:** in what world-

 **bird boy:** richie's

 **big bill:** he's been living in it ever since we met him

 **eds spagheds:** yeah it's probably bc he can't handle the torment we put him through

 **trashmouth:** no it's my sexual fantasy palace

 **trashmouth:** ur moms really like it there

 **trashmouth:** especially mrs k B)

 **eds spagheds:** ok fuck u i literally am coming over

 **big bill:**...he's climbing out the window

 **benny:** front doors exist

 **big bill:** he says he's too lazy to go downstairs

 **homeschool:** but he can be bothered to climb out the window... makes sense

 **bevvy boo:** it's eddie he's a fucking idiot what do you expect

 **trashmouth:** don't disrespect my stepson like that

 **bird boy:** is that a weird kink

 **trashmouth:** no it's because mrs k and i are married

 **benny:** i'm pretty sure you aren't

 **trashmouth:** it just happened right now

 **trashmouth:** now we're slow dancing

 **homeschool:** and texting??

 **trashmouth:** yes. i'm multitalented

 **big bill:** u could not dance to save your life

 **trashmouth:** i can and i'll show you

 **big bill:** please don't

 **bevvy boo:** aren't you too busy getting killed by eddie anyway

 **benny:** yes that's why he's gotta dance

 **eds spagheds:** i'm not there yet

 **bird boy:** unfortunately

 **trashmouth:** stan :'(

 **trashmouth:** that was betrayal at its finest

 **big bill:** no i think you deserve it

 **homeschool:** he does

 **bevvy boo:** he does

 **eds spagheds:** he does

 **bird boy:** he does

 **benny:** he does

 **benny:** damn i'm last for the THIRD time

 **eds spagheds:** third??

 **trashmouth:** stop texting and cycling


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am writing this too much but i cannot stop. sorry <3

**RICHIE <3 EDDIE**

**  
bevvy boo:** so richie,, how was ur lovers rendezvous w eddie

 **trashmouth:** it was NOT a lovers rendezvous

 **bird boy:** u wish tho

 **trashmouth:** u got me there stan

 **trashmouth:** what am i supposed to say tho?? sorry that i wanna kiss him every goddamn second?? ://

 **trashmouth:** eye simply can not

 **big bill:** gay

 **trashmouth:** thanks for the input billiam

 **big bill:** yw

  
  
  
  
**REDDIE RIGHTS**

**  
homeschool:** we should make a plan to get them together

 **benny:** should we?? i mean i was thinking abt it but i also dont wanna rush something that might not need it ://

 **bevvy boo:** no we should

 **bevvy boo:** we know richie's too scared to ask eddie out bc he's scared of the rejection

 **bevvy boo:** and eddie definitely likes him back even if he hasn't explicitly told any of us

 **bird boy:** i think we should but,, richie might be mad

 **benny:** i mean i guess... it just feels like it's intruding on their personal business and that doesn't really sit well with me

 **benny:** i think it should happen in their own time but i know i'm not gonna be able to stop you so

 **homeschool:** yeah ur right

 **homeschool:** but 'happening in their own time' typically means never happening at all

 **bevvy boo:** so it's settled

 **bevvy boo:** operation get reddie together is a go??

 **big bill:** yes

 **bird boy:** i guess

 **benny:** if anyone asks, i have no part in this

**[benny changed the chat name to 'operation: make reddie canon']**

**bevvy boo:** ben ur mind

 **bevvy boo:** ok does anyone have a plan. or do we need to make one

 **homeschool:** actually,, me and bill were talking about it the other day

 **bird boy:** and i had no invitation ?? i'm obviously the master planner here

 **homeschool:** sorry stan :( we love u <3

 **bird boy:** love u too <3

 **big bill:** GAYYYYY

 **bird boy:** bill u are literally in a relationship with us

 **homeschool:** bill if u say that one more time i am gonna k*** you

 **big bill:** kiss?? thank uuuuuu :*

 **bevvy boo:** bill is turning into richie and i hate it

 **benny:** me too bev... me too *sigh*

 **homeschool:** jeez why do we keep getting sidetracked

 **homeschool:** anyway bill do u wanna do the honors

 **big bill:** ok but i'll just send screenshots cos i'm lazy

 **bevvy boo:** big mood

 **big bill:** _  
  
_

MIKE <3  
  
**bill <3: **so what are we gonna do about richie and eddie  
  
**mikey <3: **idk  
  
**mikey <3: **they're obviously not gonna get their shit together anytime soon  
  
**bill <3: **so u agree that we should do something  
  
**mikey <3: **yeah we definitely should  
  
**mikey <3: **i just don't know what  
  
**bill <3: **ok wait  
  
**bill <3: **we all know that they definitely like each other but they're both oblivious as fuck so THEY'VE never realized that  
  
**bill <3: **maybe if we talk to each of them and imply that we think the other likes them back they might finally buck up and do something  
  
**bill <3: **ik richie probably won't bc we've done shit like that before and he doesn't really do anything but it's worth a try  
  
**bill <3: **on the other hand we've never thought of trying the same thing with eddie so..  
  
**bill <3: **and it's pretty fucking clear that he likes richie so maybe he'll give it a go??  
  
**bill <3: **if they don't do anything after that tho, or if we just need to give them a push, we can make plans for everyone to meet up and then we all bail so they're alone  
  
**bill <3: **and who knows.. one of them might do something  
  
**mikey <3: **wait that might actually work  
  
**mikey <3: **it relies a lot on luck and hoping that richie or eddie will actually have the guts to do anything but it might  
  
**mikey <3: **we just need to make sure to lay out all the groundworks of the plan, etc. so nothing gets messed up  
  
**bill <3: **i mean it's richie and eddie it's bound to get fucked up to some degree  
  
**bill <3: **but yeah  
  
**bill <3: **do you think we should message the others now or??

**mikey <3: **no let's wait a couple days. see if anything happens between richie and eddie  
  
**bill <3: **i doubt anything will but ok  
  
**bill <3: **anyway i gotta go now. goodnight mike love u <3  
  
**mikey <3: **love u too <3 see u tomorrow?  
  
**bill <3: **see u tomorrow <3  
  


**bevvy boo:** that shit at the end?? grossssssss

 **benny:** i may be a hopeless romantic but i agree with bev. get a room u guys

 **big bill:** no >:(

 **bird boy:** you can only get a room if it is also a room with me.

 **homeschool:** don't worry stan we're not gonna leave you out anymore <3

 **bird boy:** ur too soft mike

 **big bill:** we do not deserve u mikey

 **bevvy boo:** ugh oomfs are flirting on the tl again

 **benny:** bev this isn't twitter. how many times

 **bevvy boo:** it is not my fault i revert to twitter speak every time stanlonbrough interact. it is THEIRS

 **big bill:** sorry that we have that effect on u bev <3

 **bevvy boo:** u r NOT sorry

 **big bill:** no i'm not

 **benny:** guys we're off topic. again??

 **benny:** i think it's a good plan tho and that it has the potential to work

 **bird boy:** yeah if we do it right. we know how richie and eddie are :/

  
  
  
  
**NO HETS ALLOWED**

**trashmouth:** hello all :)

 **trashmouth:** how are u doing on this fine day

 **trashmouth:** oh so no one's gonna answer me?

 **trashmouth:** that's nice

 **trashmouth:** really. i have never felt more appreciated than this

 **trashmouth:** i know you're all awake it's not that early

 **eds spagheds:** richie jfc shut up

 **eds spagheds:** and to answer your question: i was doing just fine until u woke me up with ur incessant texting

 **trashmouth:** u do realize u can put ur phone on silent right

 **eds spagheds:** yes but i don't want to

 **trashmouth:** then stop COMPLAINING eds

 **eds spagheds:** don't call me that

 **trashmouth:** it's cute tho ;) just like u

  
  
  
  
**BILLY BOY**

**  
eddie bear:** SKLFBJKDSLAJJFHDSLKAL

 **billy boy:** what

 **eddie bear:** check the gc

 **eddie bear:** he called me cute :')

 **billy boy:** jesus christ can you just ask him out already

 **eddie bear:** no.

  
  
  
  
**NO HETS ALLOWED**

**  
big bill:** this gc name should be changed to no gays allowed bc god bless ur all annoying asf

 **homeschool:** your wish is my command

**[homeschool changed the chat name to 'no gays allowed']**

**trashmouth:** big bill!!!!!! ur awake!!!!!!!

 **big bill:** no i'm sleep texting

 **bird boy:** thanks for stating the obvious richie

 **bird boy:** also mike. w h y

 **homeschool:** blame bill

 **big bill:** damn mike really said fuck the gays today huh

 **trashmouth:** he can fuck the gays in a different way

 **bird boy:** RICHIE

 **big bill:** RICHIE

 **homeschool:** he isn't wrong ;)

 **bevvy boo:** richie what have you done

 **bevvy boo:** now bill AND mike are turning into you

 **benny:** i hate it. i really do

 **big bill:** where'd eddie go

 **bevvy boo:** probably screaming bc ****** ****** *** ****

 **bevvy boo:** also rich istg if u make a sexual joke out of that i will fucking kill you

 **benny:** bev what does that say

  
  
  
  
**OPERATION: MAKE REDDIE CANON**

**  
bevvy boo:** probably screaming bc richie called him cute

 **benny:** oh

 **benny:** true

  
  
  
  
**NO GAYS ALLOWED**

**  
trashmouth:** yeah bev what does it say

 **trashmouth:** ya boy wants to know

 **trashmouth:** and don't worry bev. just for this once and bc u asked so nicely i will not

 **bevvy boo:** you are not my boy and you will never be my boy

 **bevvy boo:** thank the lord.

 **trashmouth:** so ur avoiding the question. nice

 **trashmouth:** the lord will not help u

 **trashmouth:** he abandoned this timeline a long time ago

 **bird boy:** only bc he couldn't stand your infernal chatter anymore

 **trashmouth:** now now there's no need to be rude staniel

 **bird boy:** call me that one more time and i'll deck you

 **trashmouth:** u couldn't

 **big bill:** no but i could

 **trashmouth:** that's not fair you've already done that

 **big bill:** damn sorry that i didn't realize u can only punch someone a certain amount of times :/

 **trashmouth:** well now u know

 **homeschool:** i'll do it for you bill don't worry

 **trashmouth:** FUCK U MIKE

 **big bill:** thanks mike :)

 **homeschool:** richie, i'm blegging u. pls don't

 **trashmouth:** BLEGGING

 **trashmouth:** THATS THE FUNNIEST THING IVE EVER HEARD

 **trashmouth:** and that's saying something bc i am literally. right here

 **bird boy:** where?

 **trashmouth:** here.

 **bevvy boo:** rich... i'm sorry i have to be the one to tell u this but. u are not funny

 **benny:** in the slightest

 **big bill:** ^

 **homeschool:** ^^

 **trashmouth:** ok fuck ALL of u

 **trashmouth:** apart from eds bc he hasn't agreed with you

 **bird boy:** yet.

  
  
  
  
**BEVVY BOO**

**  
bevvy boo:** ain't he the one you wanna f*** the most

 **trashmouth:** SHUT UP

 **trashmouth:** and no that's mrs k ;)

 **bevvy boo:** gross

  
  
  
  
**NO GAYS ALLOWED**

**  
eds spagheds:** hello all

 **eds spagheds:** i am back

 **eds spagheds:** ps. richie they're right. ur not funny

 **trashmouth:** thank u for backing me up eds :)

 **eds spagheds:** but?? i?? didn't??

 **trashmouth:** ok if you say so

 **trashmouth:** i know what u really think tho

  
  
  
  
**BILLY BOY**

**  
eddie bear:** i do find him funny.

 **billy boy:** i know

 **billy boy:** i mean he's not funny but if that's what u think

  
  
  
  
**NO GAYS ALLOWED**

**  
benny:** hey does anyone wanna meet up today i'm bored

 **bevvy boo:** yes! my aunt's trying to make me go shopping with her and i don't want to :(

 **trashmouth:** i can keep her preoccupied for u if u want

 **bevvy boo:** i doubt she wants that but u can give it a go <3

 **bird boy:** have fun getting rejected rich

 **trashmouth:** wow stan i can't believe u think so low of me :'(

 **homeschool:** i can believe it

 **homeschool:** also ben i'll come! we haven't all hung out together for ages anyway :(

 **big bill:** count me in

 **bird boy:** me too

 **eds spagheds:** my mom said no

 **trashmouth:** just climb out ur window eds

 **eds spagheds:** no it's too dangerous

 **benny:** u literally did it at bill's house the other day

 **eds spagheds:** yeah but my room's much higher up than this. and what if my mom catches me doing it? i'd be in even deeper shit

 **trashmouth:** i can be a distraction

 **eds spagheds:** that's gross

 **trashmouth:** no i didn't mean it like that!

 **trashmouth:** i can come over and distract ur mom at the front door and u can climb out ur window and sneak round the back

 **trashmouth:** she won't suspect a thing

 **trashmouth:** just leave music playing while ur out and she won't even think to check

 **bevvy boo:** did... did richie just come up with a smart idea for once

 **trashmouth:** bev what are u talking about i'm chock full of smart ideas

 **eds spagheds:** that's a lie

 **eds spagheds:** but also that might work

 **benny:** when do u wanna meet up?

 **big bill:** well it's 12 now so how about at 1?

 **homeschool:** sounds good

 **trashmouth:** we got this in da bag

 **bird boy:** we don't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i promise i'm actually (maybe) going somewhere with this. also the screenshot thing was purely to see if that would work and i think it did so,,


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> somehow i had chapter 4 finished before this and i don't know how

**OPERATION: MAKE REDDIE CANON**

**  
bevvy boo:** we're all on the same page right??

 **homeschool:** that we're not actually meeting up?? yeah

 **big bill:** i'm gonna talk to eddie now. who's gonna talk to richie

 **bird boy:** i will

 **benny:** stan ur our savior thank u

 **bevvy boo:** yeah i don't think any of us wanted to talk to richie

 **big bill:** jsfdlklsa good luck stan

 **bird boy:** good luck to you to bill. you're gonna need it

 **homeschool:** honestly,, i don't know who's gonna need it more

 **bevvy boo:** stan

 **benny:** stan

 **big bill:** u guys clearly don’t know the sheer dumbassery eddie possesses

 **homeschool:** oh we know

  
_[ ten minutes later ]_

**  
bird boy:** i did it

 **big bill:** me too

 **bevvy boo:** screenshots pls. we need to know the teaaaaa

 **benny:** bev please never say that again

 **bevvy boo:** ok ben >:(

**bird boy:**

TRASHCAN   
  
**bird boy:** richie.   
  
**trashcan:** staniel.   
  
**trashcan:** to what do i owe the pleasure   
**bird boy:** u ever gonna get ur shit together and tell eddie u like him?   
  
**trashcan:** no thanks i'm good   
  
**bird boy:** why >:(   
  
**trashcan:** uh,, bc he obvIOUSLY DOESNT LIKE ME BACK   
  
**trashcan:** :(   
  
**trashcan:** why fucking else   
  
**bird boy:** richie have u seen the way he looks at you   
  
**trashcan:** like i'm a fucking idiot and like he hates me?? yeah   
  
**bird boy:**...nvm   
  
**trashcan:** NO WAIT   
  
**trashcan:** STAN COME BACK   
  
**bird boy:**...i'm here   
  
**trashcan:** how does he look at me >:(   
  
**bird boy:** like you put the fucking stars in the sky dipshit   
  
**trashcan:** oh.   
  


**big bill:**

EDDIE BEAR   
  
**billy boy:** hello eddie   
  
**eddie bear:** am i in trouble   
  
**eddie bear:** it sounds like i'm in trouble   
  
**billy boy:** you are.   
  
**eddie bear:** oh?   
  
**billy boy:** for not having the guts to ask richie out yet.   
  
**eddie bear:** i am literally never gonna do that   
  
**billy boy:** why not. i'm like 99.99 per cent sure he likes u back   
  
**eddie bear:** ok but what about that 0.01 per cent   
  
**billy boy:** that was,, not the point   
  
**eddie bear:** yeah i know   
  
**eddie bear:** but   
  
**eddie bear:** why would he like me back?? i mean,, i'm me and he's... him   
  
**billy boy:** if by that u mean that ur anger in a pint-sized jar and he's a whole fucking dumbass,, then yes i agree wholeheartedly   
  
**eddie bear:** bill.   
  
**billy boy:** ok ok   
  
**billy boy:** eddie any boy would be lucky to have you, you know that right   
  
**billy boy:** and there is literally no world where richie wouldn't do anything for u. he's head over heels   
  
**eddie bear:** oh.   
  
**billy boy:** just give it a go?? please??   
  
**big bill:** you're gonna stay friends either way   
  
**eddie bear:**...fine. i'll think about it   
  


**homeschool:** jesus why are you both so aggressive

 **benny:** bill got a little soft at the end there tho :')

 **bevvy boo:** yes but that's bc there should be no eddie slander on the tl

 **bird boy:** richie slander on the other hand

 **big bill:** perfectly valid

  
  
  
  
**NO GAYS ALLOWED**

  
**trashmouth:** so it's bully richie hours huh??

 **bird boy:** who told u

 **trashmouth:** mike

 **big bill:** babe why would u do that ;(

 **homeschool:** i thought it would be funny

 **homeschool:** and i wanted to see richie's reaction

 **trashmouth:** glad to know i'm purely here for ur amusement mikey <3

 **homeschool:** i feel like if i say anything you're gonna somehow twist my words and make it into a compliment

 **homeschool:** so i refrain from saying anything

 **trashmouth:** a good choice

 **eds spagheds:** i hate all of u so much

 **eds spagheds:** also richie come over?

 **trashmouth:** eds i thought you'd never ask <3

 **eds spagheds:** no u need to distract my mom dipshit

 **trashmouth:** oh that'll be easy. i had lots of practice last night ;)

 **eds spagheds:** i retract my previous statement. the only one i hate is richie

 **trashmouth:** love u too eds <3

 **eds spagheds:** don't call me that

  
  
  
  
**OPERATION: MAKE REDDIE CANON**

**  
bevvy boo:** how much more oblivious can they fucking get

 **bird boy:** not much

  
  
  
  
**NO GAYS ALLOWED**

**  
trashmouth:** GUYS ITS HALF 1 WHERE ARE U

 **eds spagheds:** WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOR AGES

 **big bill:** oh shit i forgot to say my parents unexpectedly went out so i have to babysit georgie :/

 **homeschool:** sorry i've got to look after the farm now my granddad had to go out

 **bird boy:** dad wants me at the synagogue. sorry rich

 **bevvy boo:** same turns out telling my aunt that i'm meeting up with u guys wasn't enough to get me out of going shopping

 **trashmouth:** couldn't u just meet up with us at the mall ??

  
  
  
  
**OPERATION: MAKE REDDIE CANON**

**  
bevvy boo:** shit what do i say

 **benny:** say u gotta go to bangor

 **bevvy boo:** smart thanks ben

  
  
  
  
**NO GAYS ALLOWED**

**  
bevvy boo:** i would but she wants to go bangor :/ rlly sorry rich <3

 **trashmouth:** oh damn

 **benny:** my mom just told me my grandparents are coming over so i can't leave

 **trashmouth:** damn it's a loss for the gays today huh :'(

  
  
  
  
**RICHIE <3 EDDIE**

**  
trashmouth:** i swear to god if ur doing what i think ur doing

 **bird boy:** what are we doing richie?

 **trashmouth:** u know DAMN WELL what ur doing

 **bevvy boo:** sorry rich u gotta elaborate <3

 **trashmouth:** i hate u guys

 **big bill:** B)

  
  
  
  
**BILLY BOY**

**  
eddie bear:** bill i fucking swear if this is about our conversation earlier-

 **billy boy:** B)


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for posting again i just can’t stop it seems 😭😳✌️

**NO GAYS ALLOWED**

**  
trashmouth:** [0:06] _HELLO GUYSSSSSSSS!_

 **eds spagheds:** can u not,, send voice messages at eight in the morning

 **trashmouth:** no can do eds

 **eds spagheds:** istg if u call me that one more time

 **trashmouth:** u'll do what?? kick me in the kneecaps

 **eds spagheds:** oh fuck u i'm not THAT short

 **trashmouth:** but u admit u are short??

 **trashmouth:** fuckin finally

 **bevvy boo:** GUYS SHUT UP SOME PEOPLE ARE TRYING TO SLEEP

 **trashmouth:** anything for u bev <3 the love of my life <3

 **bevvy boo:** i'm gay

 **trashmouth:** so am i that doesn't make u special

 **bevvy boo:** well actually ur a dumb gay i'm a semi-functioning lesbian therefore that means i AM special

 **trashmouth:** only semi functioning. if u were fully functioning u'd have a girlfriend

 **bird boy:** bill is literally. right there

 **big bill:** lol what

 **bird boy:** ur semi functioning and u somehow have boyfriends

 **big bill:** oh

 **big bill:** well gee thanks stan

 **bird boy:** just the truth

 **bevvy boo:** that was a very enlightening exchange but

 **bevvy boo:** richard tozier, i am here to tell you that

 **bevvy boo:** i do have a girlfriend

 **trashmouth:** WHAT

 **trashmouth:** u have a GURLFREBD?? and you didn't TELL ME???????

 **trashmouth:** or ANYONE??????????

 **bevvy boo:** two actually

 **trashmouth:** TWO??????

 **benny:** actually i knew

 **trashmouth:** BEV U TOLD BEN??? BUT NOT ME????????????????????????

 **trashmouth:** i thought i was ur best friend :(

 **bevvy boo:** u are

 **bevvy boo:** ben found out by accident

 **bevvy boo:** i let him borrow my phone in class and they texted me and he saw so

 **trashmouth:** WHAT ARE THEIR NAMES

 **trashmouth:** GIVE ME THEIR NUMBERS SO I CAN TELL THEM IF THEY HURT U I'LL BEAT THEM UP

 **bevvy boo:** audra and patty

 **bevvy boo:** also i'm not gonna do that rich

 **eds spagheds:** it's not like u could even beat them up anyway

 **trashmouth:** eds!!!!!! ur back!!!!!!

 **trashmouth:** do u not have any faith in me >:(

 **eds spagheds:** no

 **eds spagheds:** and don't call me that i hate it

 **trashmouth:** u love it!!!!!!! i just know it!!!!!!!!!

 **eds spagheds:** i. do. not.

  
  
  
  
**BILLY BOY**

**  
eddie bear:** i love it >:(

 **billy boy:** thanks for that astonishing new information eddie

 **eddie bear:** fuck u

  
  
  
  
**NO GAYS ALLOWED**

**  
bird boy:** wait bev. patty as in patricia blum??

 **big bill:** and audra as in audra phillips??

 **bevvy boo:** yeah?? what abt it

 **big bill:** OH MY GODKSLJFNDSL:

 **homeschool:** i think they're both too shocked to tell u themselves so i will tell u for them

 **homeschool:** patty is stan's ex and audra is bill's

 **bevvy boo:** oh.

 **trashmouth:** THA@S IDSKLA

 **trashmouth:** THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE

 **bird boy:** that's kinda sad

 **big bill:** no it IS sad

 **trashmouth:** guys :'(

 **homeschool:** can u add them to the group chat bev?

 **bevvy boo:** of course!!

 **trashmouth:** oh i see how it is

 **trashmouth:** you'll do it when mike asks but you won't do it when i ask??

 **benny:** i'd say that's because he didn't threaten to beat them up

 **benny:** idk just a guess tho

 **trashmouth:** ben :'(

 **eds spagheds:** someone take that emoticon away from richie

 **  
  
  
  
****GAYMER GIRLS UNITE**

 **  
bevvy <3: **guys is it ok if i add u to the losers gc

 **bevvy <3: **i sorta maybe told them abt u two and they want to meet u

 **audra baby <3: **of course!! i haven't talked to bill for ages :(

 **patty poo <3: **i would have paid money to be there to see stan and bill's reactions

 **patty poo <3: **also guys can we please change my contact name

 **bevvy <3: **no >:(

 **audra baby <3: **definitely not

 **patty poo <3: **:(

 **patty poo <3: **but u can definitely add us bev! <3

  
  
  
  
**NO GAYS ALLOWED**

**  
[bevvy boo added 207-xxx-7453 and 207-xxx-9283]**

**207-xxx-7453:** hi guys!

 **trashmouth:** okay wait who's who

 **207-xxx-9283:** more importantly who are u

 **207-xxx-7453:** i'm audra!!

 **trashmouth:** i am the one and only...

 **trashmouth:** RICHIE TOZIER B)

 **207-xxx-9283:** who?

 **trashmouth:** i guess ur patty huh

 **bevvy boo:** patty be nice

 **bird boy:** hi patty!

 **pattycakes:** hi stan!

 **trashmouth:** oh so u can be nice to stan but not to me

 **pattycakes:** yes

 **audi:** what's up with the gc name

 **benny:** it was bill's fault

 **benny:** i'm ben btw!

 **audi:** nice to meet you ben!

 **big bill:** it was not my fault

 **big bill:** it was mike's

 **homeschool:** okay but i wouldn't have done it if you hadn't've said, and i quote, 'this gc name should be changed to no gays allowed bc god bless ur all annoying asf'

 **pattycakes:** i mean he wasn't wrong

 **trashmouth:** so... bev hasn't told us how u met

 **audi:** well me and patty were already dating so

 **pattycakes:** yeah we met through bill and stan

 **pattycakes:** and then when they started dating each other and mike we decided to date each other as well for revenge

 **audi:** patty.

 **pattycakes:** right sorry

 **pattycakes:** we are dating bc i love her very much <3

 **pattycakes:** and definitely not for that reason stated earlier

 **trashmouth:** patty i'm begging u be my best friend

 **pattycakes:** no

 **trashmouth:** :'(

 **audi:** she means yes

 **trashmouth:** :')

 **eds spagheds:** hi what have i missed

 **eds spagheds:** oh

 **eds spagheds:** hi i'm eddie!

 **audi:** nice to meet u eddie!

 **pattycakes:** hi eddie!

 **trashmouth:** he got his name wrong. it's actually 'love of richie's life'

 **eds spagheds:** that is not. my name

  
  
  
  
**BILLY BOY**

**  
eddie bear:** ha i wish

 **billy boy:** stop texting me w ur gay crisises

 **eddie bear:** no

 **eddie bear:** who would i text anyway

 **billy boy:** richie

 **eddie bear:** i think i'm good

  
  
  
  
**NO GAYS ALLOWED**

**  
trashmouth:** u wish ;)

 **trashmouth:** anyway continue ur storytime guys

 **audi:** oh right

 **audi:** we met in detention and it just progressed from there

 **audi:** that's it really

 **big bill:** idk audra i find it hard to believe you got detention

 **big bill:** bev and patty on the other hand...

 **bevvy boo:** fuck u bill

 **pattycakes:** tbf it was actually my fault audra was there

 **bird boy:** i am: not surprised

 **pattycakes:** fuck u stan

 **trashmouth:** that's mike and bill's job

 **homeschool:** RICHIE I SWEAR

 **big bill:** u want my fist to meet ur face again bro?

 **eds spagheds:** bill,, i'm begging you,, please never say anything like that again

 **big bill:** B)

 **benny:** richie. what have u done

 **trashmouth:** i am innocent in this

 **trashmouth:** it's not my fault bill wants to be me so badly B)

 **big bill:** no thanks i think i could do without your obliviousness

 **trashmouth:** but u could do with everything else i bet ;)

 **bevvy boo:** richie. gross

 **big bill:** nah i'm good with what i've got

 **trashmouth:** so.. nothing?

 **trashmouth:** mike and stan really settled for the lowest huh

 **eds spagheds:** i swear to fucking god i will literally surrender myself to my mother forever if it makes you shut up

 **trashmouth:** noooooo eds

 **trashmouth:** i couldn't go a day without seeing ur cute face at least once :(

 **eds spagheds:** DON'T CALL ME THAT

  
  
  
  
**BILLY BOY**

**  
eddie bear:** SKLKFDKSJLKRYUHBHGFDKLJSAA:@???????????????????????????????????????

 **billy boy:** i am sick of you.


End file.
